Penny: A Nurse Shown the Ripple Effect of Small Kindnesses

Medical Details

In 2015 Penny went into anaphylaxis from an allergic reaction of unknown cause. She used both doses of her EpiPen; in the ER she developed stridor, staff struggled to place IVs, and she was given Benadryl, steroids and more epinephrine. She stopped breathing and a code was called. She was put in an induced coma on a ventilator, given an IV drilled into her shin bone, and life-flighted to Lexington, where she says she spent about five days in an induced coma before coming off the ventilator.

The Experience

Penny, a nurse, recalls the day in 2015 when an allergic reaction closed her airway. As her breathing failed in the emergency room, voices grew distant and she thought, "This is it." She found herself out of her body, looking down without recognizing herself, hoping the woman who was coding would be okay.

While she was in a coma, she says she found herself in her sister's car on a rainy night, watching her pull into a gas station and type the text "Hang on kiddo, I'm coming." After waking, she says she saw that message and had it confirmed.

Much of her experience took place in complete darkness. She felt held down, struggling to breathe, drifting in and out of a deep sleep for what felt like about ten years. She began to wonder whether she had ever existed. Eventually she learned she could move by leaning forward, and flew toward a light. Through a barrier she could see her body in a hospital bed and her daughter beside her, wearing flannel. She could feel her daughter's fear and wanted to hug her, but her hands hit the wall.

In time, she says, it came to her from within: "You made this place." After her divorce and the pain of her children's abandonment by their father, she had closed herself off from everyone. She came to see the darkness as the isolation she had built. When she realized this, the darkness cracked like an egg, and a huge, radiant female spirit drew her into her arms, scattering the darkness. Penny recognized her by her green eyes and flame-red hair: her grandmother, who had died when Penny was nine or ten. Her grandmother told her there is no death, reminding her that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only change form.

Then everything shook, and a brilliant light declared, "I am." She understood this as God. She was shown moments from her life. In one, she paid the difference for a struggling mother at a grocery store; years later, that woman was volunteering at a food pantry, passing the same kindness on. Penny understood that purpose is found in helping whoever is in front of you. She was also shown a coworker she had silently judged, and the painful childhood that coworker had endured. She was told that her negative thoughts carried energy and made it harder for that woman to become who she was meant to be.

When Penny chose to trust God, she felt warm, healing light move through her, and for a moment she understood everything. She voiced her anger about her children's suffering, and was shown her son at her grandson's soccer game, saying he would be the dad to him that he had deserved. She later says this moment happened just as she had seen it. Feeling made on purpose, for a purpose, she chose to go back and tear down her wall.

How It Changed Their Life

She says she was given a message to share: that God is the creator and that we are made on purpose for a purpose. Despite severe social anxiety, she said yes to speaking for an IANDS support group and has kept saying yes since. She learned to watch her thoughts about others and look for the good in them, and she has not had another episode of respiratory failure.